The Sneak
by concretya
Summary: Because characters in the books are rather black and white, and because we all need to take a long, hard look at the 'other side.' Character introspection.


I can't figure out where it went wrong.

Yes, I was sour at first. I was unwilling. It's not in my nature to be that enterprising, especially when the breaking of rules is involved. I didn't want Cho to get involved in it. Cho knew I didn't want to get involved in it. She thinks she made me come, and maybe she did make me take the first step. I wasn't completely unwilling, and I don't want her to think that I refuse to disobey stupid rules to stick with her. Through thick and thin, we said when we were younger. I suppose all young friendships have that… but I really want ours to be something special. For her faults, Cho is a wonderful person and our sisterhood means the world to me.

There was always a small portion of me that enjoyed the organization, actually. It was learning. I'm not a Ravenclaw for nothing, you know. 'Dumbledore's Army' was exciting, and made me feel like I was actually _doing_ something instead of sitting around waiting for You-Know-Who to take over.

I want to stop him with all my might. I despise him. I don't think I could ever speak to someone who didn't loathe He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Name with every fiber of their being. He truly hates Muggles and half-bloods… I think we'd be facing genocide if he ever succeeded in taking over the Wizarding world. I'll never, ever understand how anybody could think like that. It took me a while to believe it was even possible. My horror may be more surreal than Harry Potter's, but it's still there.

If anybody ever accuses me of supporting You-Know-Who? That will probably be the proverbial straw, no matter how little of a load I already have on my back.

I don't doubt that the DA had the right idea, but something about it made me uneasy. Umbridge and the Ministry of Magic are not evil; we don't have to dislike them just for the sake of disliking them! The DA was illicit and illegal. Why fight You-Know-Who through illegal- and violent- clubs?

The coins Hermione Granger gave us disturbed me on a smaller level. Maybe I exaggerated it at the time, but now that I've been punished for turning the DA in… You know what? All it did was make me more convinced I was right, and less guilty.

I suspect that the other DA members will hate me now. Wait, I know they will. Even at this moment they're probably huddling up in their common rooms, cursing the unknown sneak who tipped off Umbridge. And maybe Cho or one of the other Ravenclaws noticed my absence, and has already started the more intimate cursing. I'm definitely not looking forward to walking into the common room right now… or the corridors… or the Great Hall… or anywhere in the castle.

But I bet they also think I turned them in just to cozy up to Umbridge's administration. Why in my right mind would I do that? I don't lack all foresight! It was obvious from the start that whoever betrays them will be completely ostracized.

Who knows how Cho will react? I know her well, she's my best friend. We've been through what seems like a lot. I'd like to think that she'll defend me in front of the others, and listen to what I have to say when we meet all alone. I'd like to think that this issue isn't black and white enough that she can sacrifice me and her. But maybe she's finally found a cause worthy of anything.

Harry Potter looks disgusted. He looks angry. He's pleased that my face is scarred, he's glad that I'm too embarrassed to lower my hands. He thinks Granger is clever, organizing a punishment for Judas.

He thinks I'm getting my just desserts, being afraid and all. Because I look afraid.

I _am_ afraid.

I'm a silly little girl and a traitor. Condescension and loathing. I'm the Sneak.

I hope Cho and I can still be friends. She was into the DA, really thrilled by it. I want to still have her to complain about homework and teachers with, to talk about boys with, to contemplate the future with. Next year is our last year, and I want it to be a good one. I want her to be pleased that I cheer her on during the Quidditch matches. I want her to not regret taking me along to the DA with her, I want her to still be glad we're friends forever.

I want to not lose that one thing.


End file.
